How to deal with breakdowns?
I hate it when things go wrong, when I feel like I lose control of a situation. Last summer I was driving to my yoga class in Mimizan Plage, an hour from my home. I was motoring along making good time, I checked the petrol gage as I passed a station, still a quarter full so no need to stop. And then 10 minutes later my engine cut out. I crawled to a stop and managed to get the car into a layby so I was safe. And I tried to start the engine again, and was met with nothing. It wouldn't fire and certainly wouldn't start! Fear and panic gripped me, I wanted to cry, I was so angry at my husband as I had asked him which car to take so it was obviously his fault. I kept trying the engine, tears of frustration welling up in my eyes. It wouldn't start. So I grabbed my yoga mats and I walked to my class, 20 minutes up the road, 2 minutes in the car. As I walked I allowed myself to be cross, to listen to the drama, I called my husband again and had a go at him, I was cross. I wanted the car fixing and now. I had a meeting after my class and a Stand Up Paddle lesson in the afternoon, no time for this breakdown. I got to my class fuming, I didn't want to teach. I was late and the girls were all waiting, they really needed a class. So I composed myself and taught, I let it go.
Sitting in my car waiting for my husband to arrive after the class, having cancelled all my meetings and succumbed to the situation, I asked myself why I reacted like that. Something goes wrong and I behave like a small child who hasn't got her own way, I want to have a tantrum, scream shout and say it isn't fair, work god damn you car. I need someone to blame so I can move forward.
How can yoga help me here? Firstly I remember that nothing is wrong. Nothing is ever wrong, it is always as it should be. Things happen for a reason and sometimes we will never know what that reason is, but we need to take comfort in the fact that what has happened is the right thing at that time, imagine if I hadn't broken down and was instead involved in a car crash, that would've been a lot worse.
Secondly now I know nothing is wrong I don't need to look for someone to blame. I can accept the situation and live with it, whatever I think or feel will not change the outcome so I choose to accept it.
Thirdly I can release that feeling of fear, because nothing is wrong I can feel at ease. I can put my trust in the universe and know that I will be looked after as I should be.
Finally I can think about my own karma, have I done something to someone that might have caused this turn of events, have I treated someone unkindly, had negative thoughts or behaved in an unacceptable way? I can become more aware of myself, my actions and the effect they have on others and the universe.
And as I sat there reflecting on these things, warmth filled my body where there was fear and anger, I heard the birds singing and the sun on my skin, and suddenly I can't wait to see my husband, my knight in shining armour coming to save me!