2012/05 Letting go of ego, it's not all about me. As human beings we really are funny creatures. We are our own worst enemies, sabotaging ourselves at every given opportunity. And many of us go through our lives listening intently to that voice of self sabotage, which in turn damages all our possibilities of progression and spiritual development. We live lives full of fear, fear of failure, of rejection.
This has been magnified to me in such a huge way over the past few days as I open up a yoga studio in Biscarrosse Plage. It has been 2 days and I haven't taught a class yet, and guess what, my mind keeps telling me that it isn't going to work, that I am going to fail, even my regular clients have not been able to make classes yet. My ego is scared of failure, so much so that it makes up excuses as to why I shouldn't hand out flyers in the street (they aren't perfectly finished yet) or why I shouldn't put up posters in shops (same reason!)
However as I sit here in the studio typing away, my mats out ready for a class, I remind myself that this isn't about me. I remind myself that Swami Vishnudevanda completed his aim to bring yoga to the West, and that he didn't want to start that mission, he was said to have really procrastinated about embarking on this trip, wanting to stay at the Ashram with Swami Sivananda. However eventually he left and began his trip to the US, bringing yoga to the West, and wow, did he succeed!
So every time my mind niggles, my thoughts start to turn negative and I start hearing that little voice in my head, what if I never teach anyone here, I never have any students and I fail, I think about Swami Vishnudevananda and his amazing achievement and my thoughts disappear. It's not about me, about my ego, and me failing. I am sharing a gift that has been passed to me, I want to pass it on to others and if they aren't ready to accept it just yet then that is not my fault, there is nothing wrong and no-one to blame. All I need to do is be here when people are ready, and that is exactly where I am, sitting in the yoga studio, in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.